The Toothache
Expository
Dentists had always creeped me out, getting a cleaning was one thing, but going in specifically to have something fixed was another. The tooth had hurt last week a little, but since had become a throbbing, aching, nightmare. A trip to the dentist had become a necessity.
Pulling up to the dentist’s office (the one I had been referred to), I momentarily forgot my pain. A shimmering mix of gleaming flat-face stones and white trim, blue shudders rested alongside the window.
“This place must have cost a fortune,” I muttered to myself.
Walking inside was equally as breathtaking. Hardwood floors, a stone fireplace, large screen television, and a collection of antiquated dentistry tools—including an old style dentist’s chair, almost gave the feeling of a museum, or a den at the very least.
As I approached the receptionist, one thought ran through my mind—my insurance, or lack thereof. It had run out last month, and with working two jobs almost full time, there was no opportunity for me to get new insurance. I would be forced to pay this bill entirely from my pocket.
“Michael?” The receptionist smiled gleefully from behind the counter.
“That’s me. Uh, nice place you have here.”
“Thanks, we like it. If you’ll just fill out the necessary paperwork.”
“Sure.”
Rising Action
Moments later, much to my chagrin, the dentist’s assistant came for me.
“Michael? Come right this way. Dr. Andrews will see you now.”
We walked through the impressive inner sanctum of the office—obviously all of the money hadn’t been spent on the façade of this place.
“So your tooth hurts?” The assistant smiled at me.
“No shit,” I said to myself. “No, I was just bored and thinking of creative ways to spend my recent overseas inheritance.” Sounded good in my head. Instead I replied slightly less sarcastic.
“That is why I’d come here hey?” I flashed a smile to feign sincerity.
“Uh, huh. The doctor will be with you in a minute. Have a seat in this room.” She gestured to a room on the left and I happily left her.
Conflict
“Hello Michael, I’m Dr. Andrews. What seems to be exactly happening with your teeth?”
I was struck by how hideously normal looking she was. It was easy to hate old people cause of age, fat people cause of weight, or even non-Caucasian people cause of race, but I was having a really hard time pulling something out of this woman. Setting aside the imaginary grudge for a second, I instead answered her question.
“The, ah, tooth has been bugging.me for a while, but this past weekend it really started to hurt. I think maybe the filling is bad, or loose, or maybe the teeth are compacting.”
“Well, open up and we’ll have a look.”
I did as she asked, and found myself recalling the multiple bad experiences I’d had as a kid.
“I think you might have a cavity, but we should take an x-ray to be sure, if you don’t mind.”
I nodded.
The x-ray snapped and I could hear her muttering to herself. All I caught were the phrases “strange” and “never seen that”.
“Something wrong?” I was slightly worried.
“Well, frankly, the inside of your tooth is blurry. And to be honest—that’s impossible.”
“Dr. Andrews, what do you mean impossible?”
“Michael, the only way an x-ray could be blurry were if its focus were moving so fast that it doesn’t properly capture its image. Has your tooth been pulsating? Throbbing?”
“Yeah, well some, but that happens when your nerves and blood vessels are under strain doesn’t it?”
“Normally yes, but I can’t even see your nerves or your blood vessels in the x-ray.”
I pondered this for just a moment before Dr. Andrews went on.
“Michael, we have to drill into your tooth and have a look. The same process you came here to get done—a root canal. I have to see what it is we’re working with here.
Rising Action II
I could hear the drill driving ever closer. I imagined I was strapped in some prison, with some Axis power doctor/mad scientist looking over me. Anything I could think of to keep from screaming.
“Here we go Michael.” I still couldn’t find anything wrong with her. Damn! That didn’t make this any easier.
The drill hit my tooth and I gasped. She have given me a numbing shot of course, so there was no real pain per se, but you could still feel the pain.
As it broke through the tooth, top side-down, I thought I could feel something trickling down my throat. Then I saw Dr. Andrews’ eyes. I could tell this wasn’t normal.
Crisis
“What the fuck…”
I was surprised to hear this lady swear. I had been guessing she was the mother of three, maybe two children, and had a husband who was a role model in the community as well.
“Wha yoo finn?” I mumbled to her, slowly realizing that I couldn’t speak clearly.
“I’m sorry Michael, there was some kind of black fluid in your tooth, I’ve never seen anything like it! I don’t know what would cause such a…” Her eyes glazed over.
I sat in the chair helpless as to what would happen next. My arms seemed to weigh a ton, and I struggled to grasp the situation.
“Is that…yes it is. Oh my God.”
Her eyes rose to mine and were fixed open in shock. “Michael, something is in your tooth…and it’s moving. It’s moving independently of you. It looks like some kind of a…a…a worm.
Climax
“Purrit, purrit!” I was screaming as loud as I could, and I could hear others entering the room at this sudden outburst of emotion.
“Stop jerking, I can’t tell what it is! Cynthia, get my tweezers!”
Cynthia had entered the room during the fiasco, and now held her hand over her mouth. “Yes, Dr. Andrews!”
“Hurrah uph!”
My head felt like it was swirling, and I panicked. Watching the scene surrounding me descend into pandemonium was horrible, but never being able to see the source of the terror was a level beyond that.
“Open wide!”
Dr. Andrews went in, probably nervous for the first time in her career. I could barely feel the tweezers bang against my teeth, and continue to rattle against them.
“Oh my God! It’s moving again!”
My gums continued to bleed the black puss, and I could taste something warm and bile begin to again trickle down my throat.
“Hold on. Oh! I poked it, and it moved again! If I can just find a spot to grab at it with the tweezers…”
Excruciating as it was, I had no choice but to let Dr. Andrews continue on. What else could I do? I didn’t think that I would live through this anyway.
“I found the end! Hold on tight!”
This was a feeling that I couldn’t help but cry at. Not so much pain, as an unholy feeling of fear. I could feel my stomach was tightening. Clenching. Pulling.
“Here it comes! Holy shit this thing is big! Coil after coil—maybe some kind of a tape worm or something.”
Before long there was enough showing that I could see it with my own eyes—not that it helped any. Tears streaming, stomach hurting, I found it both incredible and inexplicable. Writhing, perhaps in pain, but it just kept coming! The “tail was similar to an earthworm, but much smaller. Dr. Andrews kept pulling, eyes wide with shock and terror. And it kept coming.
“Cynthia, get some gloves on, and help me pull this damn thing!”
They yanked, the two of them, seeming to unwind it like a garden hose. It was pencil thin, but must have had great strength, for it did not break. Finally, it stopped.
“I think I found the end Cynthia!”
Dr. Andrews gave one last tug and with great resistance displayed a satisfied smile at the momentary thought of conquering the bizarre creature. Had she forgotten about me? No, this was more of a personal achievement at this point.
Resolution
Suddenly, the end of the worm sprang to life and flew out like a great tentacle around Cynthia’s throat. She struggled only momentarily while the creature finished her off. Unslithering from her neck, the tentacle left a great dark ring around what remained of Cynthia. She dropped to the floor dead.
“Oh my God.”
Dr. Andrews had gotten more than she bargained for and began to run from the room. Again the tentacle sprang to life, this time catching Dr. Andrews around the ankle. She tried to crawl away, and the pain drew inside me, down the throat, into the bosom. My tooth shattered as worm poured more energy through the hole in my gums. Dr. Andrews was slowly brought back into the room, clawing resistance every step of the way. She was dead less than a minute later. Her neck was snapped in much the same manner as Cynthia, and resulting in the same brandishing mark.
Then the worm began to squeeze back into my tooth. It was surprisingly refreshing. Once in, I felt a tremendous pressure in my stomach. I knew what was happening; we had awoken it. It was ready to “wake up”.
Black liquid oozed from my pored, and eventually lightened with the infuse of my own blood. I looked down at my stomach and saw a great black eye poke out at me, and I was gone.
Expository
Dentists had always creeped me out, getting a cleaning was one thing, but going in specifically to have something fixed was another. The tooth had hurt last week a little, but since had become a throbbing, aching, nightmare. A trip to the dentist had become a necessity.
Pulling up to the dentist’s office (the one I had been referred to), I momentarily forgot my pain. A shimmering mix of gleaming flat-face stones and white trim, blue shudders rested alongside the window.
“This place must have cost a fortune,” I muttered to myself.
Walking inside was equally as breathtaking. Hardwood floors, a stone fireplace, large screen television, and a collection of antiquated dentistry tools—including an old style dentist’s chair, almost gave the feeling of a museum, or a den at the very least.
As I approached the receptionist, one thought ran through my mind—my insurance, or lack thereof. It had run out last month, and with working two jobs almost full time, there was no opportunity for me to get new insurance. I would be forced to pay this bill entirely from my pocket.
“Michael?” The receptionist smiled gleefully from behind the counter.
“That’s me. Uh, nice place you have here.”
“Thanks, we like it. If you’ll just fill out the necessary paperwork.”
“Sure.”
Rising Action
Moments later, much to my chagrin, the dentist’s assistant came for me.
“Michael? Come right this way. Dr. Andrews will see you now.”
We walked through the impressive inner sanctum of the office—obviously all of the money hadn’t been spent on the façade of this place.
“So your tooth hurts?” The assistant smiled at me.
“No shit,” I said to myself. “No, I was just bored and thinking of creative ways to spend my recent overseas inheritance.” Sounded good in my head. Instead I replied slightly less sarcastic.
“That is why I’d come here hey?” I flashed a smile to feign sincerity.
“Uh, huh. The doctor will be with you in a minute. Have a seat in this room.” She gestured to a room on the left and I happily left her.
Conflict
“Hello Michael, I’m Dr. Andrews. What seems to be exactly happening with your teeth?”
I was struck by how hideously normal looking she was. It was easy to hate old people cause of age, fat people cause of weight, or even non-Caucasian people cause of race, but I was having a really hard time pulling something out of this woman. Setting aside the imaginary grudge for a second, I instead answered her question.
“The, ah, tooth has been bugging.me for a while, but this past weekend it really started to hurt. I think maybe the filling is bad, or loose, or maybe the teeth are compacting.”
“Well, open up and we’ll have a look.”
I did as she asked, and found myself recalling the multiple bad experiences I’d had as a kid.
“I think you might have a cavity, but we should take an x-ray to be sure, if you don’t mind.”
I nodded.
The x-ray snapped and I could hear her muttering to herself. All I caught were the phrases “strange” and “never seen that”.
“Something wrong?” I was slightly worried.
“Well, frankly, the inside of your tooth is blurry. And to be honest—that’s impossible.”
“Dr. Andrews, what do you mean impossible?”
“Michael, the only way an x-ray could be blurry were if its focus were moving so fast that it doesn’t properly capture its image. Has your tooth been pulsating? Throbbing?”
“Yeah, well some, but that happens when your nerves and blood vessels are under strain doesn’t it?”
“Normally yes, but I can’t even see your nerves or your blood vessels in the x-ray.”
I pondered this for just a moment before Dr. Andrews went on.
“Michael, we have to drill into your tooth and have a look. The same process you came here to get done—a root canal. I have to see what it is we’re working with here.
Rising Action II
I could hear the drill driving ever closer. I imagined I was strapped in some prison, with some Axis power doctor/mad scientist looking over me. Anything I could think of to keep from screaming.
“Here we go Michael.” I still couldn’t find anything wrong with her. Damn! That didn’t make this any easier.
The drill hit my tooth and I gasped. She have given me a numbing shot of course, so there was no real pain per se, but you could still feel the pain.
As it broke through the tooth, top side-down, I thought I could feel something trickling down my throat. Then I saw Dr. Andrews’ eyes. I could tell this wasn’t normal.
Crisis
“What the fuck…”
I was surprised to hear this lady swear. I had been guessing she was the mother of three, maybe two children, and had a husband who was a role model in the community as well.
“Wha yoo finn?” I mumbled to her, slowly realizing that I couldn’t speak clearly.
“I’m sorry Michael, there was some kind of black fluid in your tooth, I’ve never seen anything like it! I don’t know what would cause such a…” Her eyes glazed over.
I sat in the chair helpless as to what would happen next. My arms seemed to weigh a ton, and I struggled to grasp the situation.
“Is that…yes it is. Oh my God.”
Her eyes rose to mine and were fixed open in shock. “Michael, something is in your tooth…and it’s moving. It’s moving independently of you. It looks like some kind of a…a…a worm.
Climax
“Purrit, purrit!” I was screaming as loud as I could, and I could hear others entering the room at this sudden outburst of emotion.
“Stop jerking, I can’t tell what it is! Cynthia, get my tweezers!”
Cynthia had entered the room during the fiasco, and now held her hand over her mouth. “Yes, Dr. Andrews!”
“Hurrah uph!”
My head felt like it was swirling, and I panicked. Watching the scene surrounding me descend into pandemonium was horrible, but never being able to see the source of the terror was a level beyond that.
“Open wide!”
Dr. Andrews went in, probably nervous for the first time in her career. I could barely feel the tweezers bang against my teeth, and continue to rattle against them.
“Oh my God! It’s moving again!”
My gums continued to bleed the black puss, and I could taste something warm and bile begin to again trickle down my throat.
“Hold on. Oh! I poked it, and it moved again! If I can just find a spot to grab at it with the tweezers…”
Excruciating as it was, I had no choice but to let Dr. Andrews continue on. What else could I do? I didn’t think that I would live through this anyway.
“I found the end! Hold on tight!”
This was a feeling that I couldn’t help but cry at. Not so much pain, as an unholy feeling of fear. I could feel my stomach was tightening. Clenching. Pulling.
“Here it comes! Holy shit this thing is big! Coil after coil—maybe some kind of a tape worm or something.”
Before long there was enough showing that I could see it with my own eyes—not that it helped any. Tears streaming, stomach hurting, I found it both incredible and inexplicable. Writhing, perhaps in pain, but it just kept coming! The “tail was similar to an earthworm, but much smaller. Dr. Andrews kept pulling, eyes wide with shock and terror. And it kept coming.
“Cynthia, get some gloves on, and help me pull this damn thing!”
They yanked, the two of them, seeming to unwind it like a garden hose. It was pencil thin, but must have had great strength, for it did not break. Finally, it stopped.
“I think I found the end Cynthia!”
Dr. Andrews gave one last tug and with great resistance displayed a satisfied smile at the momentary thought of conquering the bizarre creature. Had she forgotten about me? No, this was more of a personal achievement at this point.
Resolution
Suddenly, the end of the worm sprang to life and flew out like a great tentacle around Cynthia’s throat. She struggled only momentarily while the creature finished her off. Unslithering from her neck, the tentacle left a great dark ring around what remained of Cynthia. She dropped to the floor dead.
“Oh my God.”
Dr. Andrews had gotten more than she bargained for and began to run from the room. Again the tentacle sprang to life, this time catching Dr. Andrews around the ankle. She tried to crawl away, and the pain drew inside me, down the throat, into the bosom. My tooth shattered as worm poured more energy through the hole in my gums. Dr. Andrews was slowly brought back into the room, clawing resistance every step of the way. She was dead less than a minute later. Her neck was snapped in much the same manner as Cynthia, and resulting in the same brandishing mark.
Then the worm began to squeeze back into my tooth. It was surprisingly refreshing. Once in, I felt a tremendous pressure in my stomach. I knew what was happening; we had awoken it. It was ready to “wake up”.
Black liquid oozed from my pored, and eventually lightened with the infuse of my own blood. I looked down at my stomach and saw a great black eye poke out at me, and I was gone.


2 Comments:
Whoa. Creeeeepy! I like the content and description, but (as I go into critique mode) it is unpolished and kind of abrupt at the end. There are several places where you could do more "showing" than "telling" ('My stomach clenched' instead of 'I could feel my stomach clench'). The ending was a little confusing, partly because I think there were some spelling mistakes or missing words, but also I felt that there could be more explained. But overall, it's definitely a thriller--I got chills! If you want me to do more detailed workshopping, let me know. ;)
-Monica
Ah yes, the gross-out horror story, an old favorite of mine. It never really gets old. There's some definite work to be done here though, like the interesting but disjointed ending, some grammar gaffes that change the meaning of sentences, etc. The dialogue is pretty unrealistic in spots too.
I do like the randomness of it though; kinda reminds me of the Stephen King story "The Moving Finger". There's no reason for what's happening, no explanation, just a really really long finger coming out of the drain in the bathroom sink, and he builds a whole story around it. That's what this reminds me of, though a lot shorter.
I think also that the use of first-person might not be appropriate... because there's the understanding that, even though it's fiction, the main character is telling you the story after the fact. And if it basically ends with his demise, it's like saying "And then I died." Maybe that's not the intention but it's kind of breaking one of the unspoken rules of writing or whatever.
At least, that's what your MOM said!! OHHHHHHHHH!!
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